Category Archives: About the Writer Mom

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Here’s A Book to Add to Your Kids’ Summer Reading List (One Big Project Done!)

Hero

Hero

Let me tell you the story of a young woman who signed onto a children’s book project.

Yes, I’m talking about me, and although I’ve always been a novel-writing kind of girl, when this project landed in my lap, I thought it was the perfect way to get my foot in the publishing world’s door.

About a year after I graduated from college, I was one of several writers contracted to write a series of children’s picture books. The first step was to provide a sample children’s story of my own creation. It didn’t need to have illustrations, so I figured it would be a piece of cake. I soon came up with a story called Hero about a boy who had to face a challenge to live up to this nickname. My job done, I promptly forgot it.

It turns out the reason I was contracted to begin with was because the creator of this series had no business in the writing world. This soon became obvious, and the project fell flat. I hadn’t particularly enjoyed the storyline and characters, so I shrugged it off and moved on.

Fast forward seven years, and a friend introduced me to a local author, figuring this might help me get one step closer to publishing my novel. The author I met was an absolute delight. She told me all about her books and the work that went into them, from getting them illustrated to collaborating with other writers to printing and selling them. (Check out her website Bluejean Books in the sidebar or here.)

While I still wanted to go the traditional route of finding an agent and a publisher for my novel, this conversation reminded me that I had a children’s book already written – and my parents’ business had a new digital press that would be perfect for printing books on demand.

Wedding Shoes by Saundra Howard

Wedding Shoes by Saundra Howard

There still was a problem, though – that of finding an illustrator. My number one choice was my mother. The image on the right is an example of one of her pencil drawings. She was an art major, and one of her many hats is that of a graphic artist. But when it comes to illustrating children’s books, she didn’t feel qualified, not to mention that she just didn’t have the time. (But I think I’ve convinced her to help me with the cover art for my NaNo novel.)

The book idea went on the back burner, where it simmered for well over a year. I learned a lot as I began to substitute teach and work with kids of all ages and reading levels. My elder son was diagnosed with several learning disabilities. I gained an appreciation for books that are easy readers versus the ones that are content-appropriate but still have to be read by parents. All of this percolated in my mind, stored up for when I would need it.

Then one day when substituting in kindergarten, I had an interesting opportunity. The kids were learning about authors and illustrators and how to create a book. The teacher, knowing I’m a writer, asked if I would mind talking to them about the process. The kids hung on my every word – it was crazy! Afterward, they asked if I had a book of my own.

That’s when the lightbulb went off. I realized I could illustrate my book myself. I’m not my mother, but I am capable of creating more than stick figures. And my six-year-old has an artistic bent, so I thought we could illustrate together. I started with a simple watercolor painting of a tree and a few sketches. Peter joined in, and we soon had enough to get started. That was in late January. I figured I would be done within a month. Ha.

So creating a children’s book is harder than I thought. Revising the copy was just one thing I had to tackle. On top of that, there’s the business end of getting an ISBN and marketing. And then those pesky illustrations pulled me right out of my element and into the realm of What in the world am I doing?

February came and went. March was busy; I worked on the illustrations on our vacation, but I was nowhere near finished. There was still hope, though. As long as I could share it with the kindergarteners before the end of the year, all would be well.

I probably wasted about a month of trial and error figuring out how to illustrate in Photoshop (yes, Photoshop, not InDesign). I would challenge myself to finish three illustrations in a week, and I’d only get halfway through one. Memorial Day weekend arrived, and I worked all day every day, staying up four hours past my bedtime into Monday morning. I thought I was done, then realized I still had several hours’ worth of work still ahead of me after I woke up.

But I finished – finally! (If you read my post last week, this was the third big project I’ve taken on in the past year.) I had my first copies ready so that Peter was able to share the book with his class on the second-to-last day of school. Kids that knew I’d been working on the book for months were excited to see it. My friends and family have been so supportive, and I cannot explain how wonderful it feels to have something in print, even if it’s not with some big-name publishing house.

Now that Hero is done, I have my work cutout for me, from getting it into bookstores to getting it online through CreateSpace. (Check the My Fiction page for when it goes live.) Until then, you’re welcome to message me for a copy – Peter and I will even sign it!

I can cross one big project off my list. It was a challenge, something I never would have considered doing over nine years ago when I first wrote the text. Finishing the book with my son has been a joy, and I finally have a real book to show for a small portion of my hard work.

Sarah and Hero

Sarah and Hero

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Free Time? Not on My Watch

Keep up and blog on

Keep Up and Blog On (Photo credit: futureshape)

A couple months ago, I blogged about time management, and a friend joked with me that he would read it when he learned how to manage his time.

I know the feeling, and I’m the one who was giving advice.

My problem isn’t procrastination but, rather, taking on too many projects at once. (My husband is probably applauding me for admitting this.) I have no idea what boredom is because as soon as I check one item off my to-do list, something else takes its place. Currently, I think of them as “The Big Three” looming projects.

First, in September I took on a job with a client that doesn’t quite fall in my area of expertise, but she was desperate, and I knew I could handle it. It’s the end of May now, and I’m just grateful that she’s patient.

Second, in November I participated in NaNoWriMo – a huge time hog but the most fun I’ve ever had writing – and I’m still editing my manuscript, getting ready to claim my two free paper copies from CreateSpace.

Third, in January I decided to pull an old writing project off the back burner, figuring I would finish it within a month. That didn’t happen. In fact, it’s this project that is making me so tardy with this post.

And a bonus – my dad started a blog for the family business. I’ve contributed one article so far (and thanks to my patient readers for reading it a couple weekends ago instead of my usual post). I edit each blog, even when I’m not the writer, and I’ve posted most of them, too.

These are in addition to substitute teaching, reading and editing for Fiction Fix, bookkeeping part-time, and being a mom. I’m sure I’m forgetting something. The wonderful news, however, is that The Big Three are finally wrapping up. I can see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel – and I think I’ll get there in time to have a breather before school gets back in session. And then I’ll be in for it because this mama hopes to go back to school some time in the next year. I mean, what else am I supposed to do with my free time?

Now it’s time to get back to it, so the next post you read can actually include an announcement about finishing something for once. Until then, back to work…

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Five Signs You Might Need a Book Intervention

Birthday Books

Birthday Books

When creating my list of books to read in 2014, I thought, I should be able to do this. I was determined to read more from this year’s list than I did in 2013. After all, there were quite a few books that I was excited to read; I was motivated. I did well at first, even reporting my numbers a few short weeks ago.

Then it happened. My husband, eldest niece, and I went to see Divergent, all having read and loved the series. And we got more than we bargained for while there: we were introduced to a book we hadn’t heard of, soon to be released in movie form, The Maze Runner.

I couldn’t help myself; I started researching it while still sitting in the theatre. Who was the author? When was it published? Is there more than one book? Why hadn’t I heard of it?

James Dashner, 2009, two sequels and one prequel – these were the easy answers. As for why I hadn’t heard of it, well, there are just so many books out there. Each new discovery adds another star or constellation to my reader’s night sky, and the funny thing is that I am never satisfied. Give me a good book, and it only makes me want more.

A few weeks later, when my husband asked what I wanted for my birthday, I got the bright idea that I could kill two birds if he got The Maze Runner for me. Since I knew he wanted to read it, too, he went ahead and bought it a few days early. I was dutifully reading another book from my list with the full knowledge that I would completely derail if Thomas said the book was any good.

Thomas pronounced The Maze Runner worthy, so I took the cash a few relatives gave me for my birthday and went to pick up the rest of the series. The cashier told me that if I didn’t care about them being a matched set, I could buy all three from the bargain section. Which saved me enough money to buy a fourth book, John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars.

That silly movie trailer, aided by a little extra cash, just made my original 2014 book list a lot harder to finish. I might need a…

Book Intervention

Here are five signs that you might need one, too:

1. You always have a book in the car, just in case you get stuck in traffic.

No, I don’t read or text while driving, but I do when stopped at a light. Hey, I have a very stop-and-go commute, and I get tired of listening to the radio. And if I’m not the driver, you better believe I have a book with me. I feel bad for people who get carsick – such a great reading opportunity missed.

2. You panic when you forget your book.

It’s one thing if you’re just going to the store, but it’s full-scale panic mode when you are stuck at a social event with nothing to do except make small-talk with people you hardly know. Or even people you do know. It’s kind of a joke among my family that I’m often in the background of photos, oblivious to my surroundings, absorbed in a book. Everyone’s opening Christmas presents, and I’m reading. Or I sneak a book into a movie to read before the lights go down.

3. You can never read all the books on your to-do list because you keep adding more.

When I was pregnant with my first son, I was determined to read every book in the house. I figured that I might never have the chance to read after my little bundle of joy came into the world. I’m happy to report that not only did I finish all the books in the house, but reading does continue post-baby. And ever since making that discovery, I’ve been buying more books than I can read again.

4. You spend your disposable income on purses big enough to hold a good-sized hardback.

Okay, maybe men don’t have this problem, but I certainly do. I also carry my laptop, so my poor purse was begging to be replaced. I’m happy to report that my new purse holds the laptop and a novel quite comfortably. Could I get a Kindle or just read on my iPhone? Sure, and I have. But I just love actual books (read more about that here), and I love owning them. The book fair is in town this week, and I think there’s going to be more backsliding, which means…

5. You forego putting your china out in favor of shelving your books in the china cabinet.

Or on top of the piano. Or in stacks around the house. I’m doing a pretty good job of keeping them neat (at least, I did until my latest quadruple purchase). But although I’ve dreamed of having a house with a proper library, I somehow think it still wouldn’t be enough. Give me shelves, and I will gladly fill them, then continue getting more.

You know, if this is a vice, I’m not sure I want to give it up. Please tell me I’m not alone. If this sounds like you, too, do we need an intervention, or just some uninterrupted reading time? Methinks the latter.

Happy reading.

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When Life Happens

Goals

Goals (Photo credit: Celestine Chua)

People who know me know that I am a planner. And that’s really just a nice way of saying “control freak.”

I’ve gotten better about it. When things don’t go my way, I’m not as likely to flip out as I used to be. But still, as a self-motivated person, I set personal goals and stick to them for a reason. Even if those plans don’t mean anything to anyone else, they mean something to me.

So this weekend was going to be a full one. We would end the week with my husband visiting our kindergartener’s class and talking to them about his job, and later in the afternoon, I would take the boys on a quick trip to visit their grandparents.

As far as freelancing goes, I have certain tasks that I complete each day, and after the kids are in bed, I get to work on my own writing. A while ago, I devised a goal for the end of January: finish the first draft of my NaNoWriMo novel.

Yes, I did complete the 50,000-word goal before the end of November (actually, it was over 80,000 at that point), but the novel wasn’t done. One week out from the end of the month, my goal seemed almost too easy to attain. It was practically a sure thing.

Well, as you have most likely already figured out, things did not exactly go my way – or anyone else’s – this weekend. Life struck in a really awful way – in the form of that nasty fiend, the stomach bug. I can’t say I was totally unprepared because my younger son had it earlier in the week, but he got over it quickly, and no one else I knew had it.

But by Thursday evening, I had a bad feeling. My husband did the grocery shopping and took the kids to my son’s open house while I… well, let’s just say everyone involved is glad I decided not to tough it out and go with them.

After they got home, Thomas made some quick plans for how he would get the kids everywhere they needed to go and still talk to Peter’s class the next day. He would even take them with him to a meeting later in the afternoon to give me a break.

Then, when he was getting ready for bed, Peter woke up with the bug. Shortly after Thomas got done cleaning up Peter’s room, Ian awoke with it, too.

Not only were my own plans busted, but so were everyone else’s. On the plus side, I don’t have to feel bad about missing a day of exercise because I lost weight, anyway. But school and our trip and everything else I hoped to do were put on the back burner. I just wanted to make it through the night.

So my personal goal is shot. At times like this, it’s easy to give in and throw away goals all together. But the planner in me won’t let me give up so easily. I’m well enough to sit up and type, and maybe not quite being 100% will lend my story some really cool/trippy ending, even if it’s a few days later than planned.

And another plus: since I was so useless that I could do little more than sit around, I did some web surfing and found a short fiction contest with the deadline of January 31st. So I thought, What the heck? – might as well get something productive done, even if it wasn’t a part of the original plan – and revised a story and submitted it. At least there’s something positive coming out of my blown-to-bits weekend.

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What Will You Read in 2014?

IMG_2164

All day long, I’ve done what I could only dream about doing this time last year: I’ve sat on the couch reading a good book. Last December, I yearned for some good fiction after a few months of reading a bunch of how-to and reference materials. So at the close of the year, I looked over the books in my personal library and made a list of titles I hoped to read in 2013. It was a pretty ambitious list, one that I knew I probably wouldn’t finish, but I took a good stab at it. I did read seven of the fourteen books from my list, plus an additional ten that I hadn’t planned on reading.

I have to add a quick note about one of these unplanned books: I edited a novel called Brightleaf this year, and it was published in September. The author is my friend Raleigh Rand, and although I didn’t read this book in the traditional sense of sitting down and reading it for pleasure, I enjoyed every moment of editing it and would highly recommend it. (There’s a story behind this book, but that’s for another blog.)

So when thinking about my book list for the upcoming year, I waited until after Christmas. I can always count on someone to come through with a great book or three, and I had a sneaking suspicion (mainly because he asked me right out what I wanted) that my husband would get me Veronica Roth’s Divergent. I wasn’t disappointed. I went ahead and bought the next two books – and it’s a good thing. I started reading it this morning and am already more than 140 pages in – I’ll be done before 2014.

In addition, an unexpected gift was a book of Mark Twain’s writings from my friend Georgene. I promised that I would quote it a bunch this year, so that’s on the list. Also, my aunt ordered Bess Streeter Aldrich’s The Rim of the Prairie for me, a book I’ve read before, but alas, it was borrowed. Also (and I’m bragging now), I received two books that are a writer’s best friend – hand-crafted, leather-bound blank books. My sister-in-law convinced my husband to splurge on one (thank you!), and my aunt bought the other – they know me so well. When I’m not reading, I’m usually writing, and I can’t wait to fill them.

This year’s list will be composed of three kinds of books – the ones I still have to read from the 2013 list, books that I want to re-read, and brand new ones. And, as happened this year, I am sure that other books will pop into my life and expand my literary horizons still further.

Click on the links below to read more about these books, and if you purchase one from one of my links, you’ll support my blog.

Books I read in 2013:

My 2014 Book List:

Do I really think I’ll finish all these books? Not a chance. (I still do have to feed my kids and clean the house, after all.) But it will be fun trying. What books do you plan to tackle in the new year? Happy reading!

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Acts of Kindness – Random or Otherwise

Hospital

Hospital (Photo credit: José Goulão)

This time of year can be painful for so many because while everyone else seems to be enjoying the seasonal festivities, someone is spending a first Christmas alone. Someone else is spending it in the hospital with a bleak outlook. A whole city is in mourning on the anniversary of a terrible elementary school massacre. But do you know what the survivors of the Sandy Hook murders want? Not media attention but kindness, random acts of kindness. If their beloved children and teachers can no longer be with them, at least they – and others – can do good in their memory.

This week, when I became one of the stressed out loved ones of a person in distress, I was reminded just how important these acts of kindness are.

I awoke Tuesday morning to discover that my grandmother had a bout with congestive heart failure in the night, and rescue had broken down her front door and transported her to the hospital. This is the woman who beat a rare brain infection over twenty years ago and basically lived with few medical problems until her first experience with congestive heart failure four years ago. My elder son and I were with her the afternoon it happened, and I felt absolutely helpless. This week, she was alone, and I feel like I should have been there. I drove right by her neighborhood earlier in the day, foregoing a visit because I knew she would be taking her afternoon nap. I will always wonder if I could have helped her if I had just stopped by.

Our family is fortunate because we all live in the same vicinity, so we’ve taken turns helping. And this week, it’s taken a village. Someone has had to stay with her almost constantly. Deprived of oxygen and sleep, her usually tack-sharp mind became delusional, and she blamed us for conspiring to put her in a home and take her money. It hurt us to see her in such a state, not to mention our own bruised feelings.

I met my cousin at her house on Tuesday, figuring that I could at least help get things ready for the repair man to fix her door. Being in her empty house, seeing it untidy, finding the phone where she dropped it – it was tough. But we had work to do. I had exactly $100 in my wallet, which happened to be what the repair man required for materials and labor to fix the door. I left the money for him rather than make someone else run to the bank. After all, I didn’t think I would need it that day.

My cousin and I gathered a bag full of items Grandmama needed, and I took them to the hospital, which by the way, charges two dollars if you want to use their parking garages (which I did because it was pouring). After a quick visit, I got all the way up to the sixth floor of the parking garage before I realized I had no money. I went back in, figuring I could ask one of my aunts for a couple dollars. Then I got lost. And I was already ten minutes late to pick up my son from school.

I saw a man dressed in scrubs, and I asked him for directions to the ICU. He didn’t work there and didn’t know. “Well, I really just need an ATM,” I said. He did know where to find one of those, so I hopped in the elevator with him, shaking my head at my ridiculous situation. When he realized why I needed money, he pulled out his wallet and gave me two dollars, insisting that I not waste my money on ATM fees.

Shocked, I stood in the elevator with his money and called, “God bless you!” as he walked out. I felt like saying something cheesy, like I would pay it forward, but the doors closed, and I was on my way to the parking garage again.

The beginning of what turned into a rough week for my family was touched by this simple act of kindness. It didn’t seem like much – just two dollars. But it was something he absolutely did not have to do – but did gladly anyway. He gave me back some of the time I was already borrowing from the receptionist at my son’s school, who sat with Peter while he waited for me to show up. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it and am determined to pay attention to those times when I, too, can make a small but significant difference in someone else’s day.

In the season when my family celebrates the greatest gift ever sent to Earth, so many people have allowed themselves to be consumed with wanting – and then not even being satisfied when they get whatever it is they think they want. They don’t see the people around them who would trade all the gifts in the world for one more Christmas with a deceased loved one – or a peaceful Christmas at home instead of in a hospital or nursing home.

Yet there are others who give, even when they don’t have to. They may not even realize that their small gestures mean so much. To them, I say thank you. Thank you for keeping me from being totally jaded, for reminding me that there is, indeed, still good in this world.

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My Favorite Kind of Problem

Novels in a Polish bookstore

Books (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My kindergartener brought home Scholastic’s December 2013 book list this week, and oh my goodness, I’m in heaven. I love giving (and getting) books more than any other kind of gift. Does that make me a boring gift giver? Well, I’m afraid so. Unless, of course, you love books, too, and you’re on the receiving end.

I was excited when I spotted a set of books that follows the ones my son is reading right now, but I couldn’t stop there. With books for two and three dollars, how could I? I’m singling out all the kids in my family and seeing if anything on this book list is appropriate for them. My love for books runs so deep that I just have to share.

This, of course, led to me wonder what books I would like. While I feel guilty other times of the year when I add to my already seam-bursting collection, when it comes to Christmas, I might as well get something I really like.

Now, I know that I posted the list of books that I hoped to read this year, and I’ve fallen woefully short of my goal (read it here). But I had to make myself accountable, even though I knew it was nearly impossible. It’s kind of a wonderful problem, having more books than I can possibly finish in 365 days. The thing is, had I stuck to the plan, I might have come close to finishing, but then new books kept barging into my life, and here I am, with a fair few titles under my belt, just not all the ones I originally planned. (Anyhow, I still have a few more weeks, so maybe things won’t look so bleak at the end of December.)

I don’t know why I can’t give up this habit. It alternates between despair (Will I ever finish all these books?) to excitement (I have so many books to read! I can’t wait for the next one!). This week, when I’ve barely had time to read two pages every day, I’ve felt a lot of the former. Why do I keep torturing myself? Well, because someone will tell me I need to check out a book, and I will – and I’ll love it. If I keep sticking to the same authors and the same styles, I’ll miss out on so much. So in the spirit of egging myself on, I have to ask: what books should I get this year? If I’m going to further interrupt the list of books I originally planned to read, they have to be worth it. Any suggestions?

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How My Desire to Lose Weight Led to a Complete Lifestyle Change

Sarah_Belly

The night before my younger son was born (as seen on the left above), I weighed more than I ever want to weigh again. And losing that weight was a lot harder than with baby number one. That came as a shock, accompanied with a good deal of worry over whether I would be able to keep the weight off – if it ever came off at all.

I have one of those lovely body types that gains weight if I so much as look at a cupcake. I’ve tried various exercise routines over the years, and finally found success with a combination of P90X and a couple interval routines, which have helped me achieve a level of fitness I never expected. The problem is, however, that exercise is only part of the solution. Living under the impression that I could work off the pizza and doughnuts and Saturday morning fast food breakfasts only lasted so long—just long enough for me to start regaining my baby weight (but this time without the baby).

When my clothes became uncomfortably tight, my options were to give in and buy larger ones or revolt against what I’d done to myself and take action. I took action.

Taking the First Step

Before actually doing something, the shift came from within. I know that sounds metaphysical and whatnot, but it’s absolutely true. There is a huge difference between thinking, Hmm, I really could lose a few pounds and realizing, Something has to change, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make it happen—permanently. Follow-through is a must, but there has to be that driving decision first.

Going Wheat-Free

I heard about Wheat Belly: Lose the Wheat, Lose the Weight, and Find Your Path Back To Health a year or so before I decided it might be worth looking into. I didn’t want to cut out wheat. It seems to be in everything, including many of my favorite foods, but I was desperate and hoped it would make a difference. My husband thought author William Davis, M.D. was a quack, but since I was the one buying groceries and cooking, he had little choice but to eat my wheat-free food, at least at home. He lost nine pounds.

I’ve been reluctant to discuss this decision because most people think I’m stupid, latching onto a fad. I mean, why deny myself “regular” food if I don’t have an allergy that prevents me from eating it? At the same time, however, I was pleased by a number of people who came out of the woodwork and told me how going wheat-free has changed their lives for the better. As a friend said, even if only one-quarter of the book is true, that tiny bit of information is worth heeding.

Today’s wheat has been genetically engineered to grow more plentifully, and in doing so, its gluten content has risen dramatically. Franken-wheat, some call it. What struck me most about Davis’s research was the number of conditions apart from celiac that are affected by wheat consumption. Many of Davis’s patients had problems that no other doctors could fix, yet the simple deletion of wheat from their diets solved them.

And then there’s the obesity issue. Although whole wheat is recommended as a fiber-rich staple that should be a part of everyone’s diet, whole wheat bread elevates blood sugars nearly as high as white bread (don’t believe me—believe Harvard Medical School). While this is particularly harmful to you if you’re diabetic, this even affects people like me. The two slices of whole wheat toast that I used to eat every morning caused a blood sugar crash that made me ravenous two hours later.

Experimenting with Paleo

The Paleo Diet has a lot in common with Wheat Belly, although there are places where the two diverge. If you follow the “primal” version, you can have dairy, while many Paleo followers shun milk products altogether. Either way, the main idea is that humans started as hunter-gatherers, and we survived just fine without processed foods.

Paleo depends on many natural foods, but carby foods like corn and legumes are a big no-no. There are a number of great Paleo recipes that I’ve tried, but I have not gone completely Paleo. Instead, I use a blend of the two diets I’ve discussed, as well as some gluten-free selections. Even so, the mere deletion and substitution of certain elements of my diet isn’t enough, which leads to the third and most drastic thing I’ve done.

Making My Own

Making my own what? Well, a lot of things. Pizza dough, protein bars, almond milk, almond meal, coconut milk, coconut flour, peanut butter, tomato sauce. When I cut out wheat, I knew we couldn’t eat out as much, so that meant cooking. By making a lot of things from scratch, I not only keep the cost down, but I also control what my family eats. The pre-made items that I do buy go through a lot of scrutiny first. If I don’t know some of the chemical-sounding ingredients, or if sugar is toward the top of the list, I make it on my own. I also avoid buying canned or frozen food as much as possible.

In short, I’ve become one of “those” moms.

Using Nature’s Supplements

I started to take an interest in natural remedies while doing research for a character in one of my novels. (It always comes back to writing for me, doesn’t it?)  Many people never think twice about popping a pill to fix their problems, but I would rather live in a way that keeps me from having problems to begin with. And if I need medical help, I would rather use nature’s treatments first.

I never even knew coconut oil existed before I read Wheat Belly. I assumed that I would have to buy it at a specialty store and was surprised to find it everywhere I normally shop. While I knew that hydrogenated oils are bad, I didn’t realize how bad. A friend gave me the book The Coconut Oil Miracle, by Bruce Fife, C.N., N.D. This truly is a miraculous oil. Not only is it a natural antibiotic, but it’s also antiviral and can even help fight the flu.

So what does coconut oil have to do with weight loss? It gives us energy and increases our metabolism. This is wonderful for people like me. I have to exercise two to three times more than people with fast metabolisms just to keep from gaining (and that’s only if I eat right, too).

To Make a Long Post a Little Longer. . .

What I discovered, even before I lost any weight, was that I was transformed, and not just physically. Although changing my eating habits certainly keeps me satisfied longer, the way I think about food (it’s not a social or even a comfort activity for me anymore) underwent an even more powerful transformation.

The weight loss is great, but the health benefits that I will reap from my change of lifestyle will last me, I hope, much longer than the clothes that I can fit into again.

Related articles

• The Benefits of Cutting Out Gluten but Not Going Gluten-Free

• Dr. Peter Attia on Ketosis

• Mark’s Daily Apple (we don’t need grains)

• Best Sugar Substitutes

• All Sorts of Pretty (almond and coconut recipes)

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The Work-at-Home Covenant

Working mom

Working mom (Photo credit: rankun76)

I’ve been working on an article about the balance between being home with kids and trying to work at the same time. I think this is something that needs to be addressed for frustrated moms out there (like yours truly) who sometimes feel helplessly at sea. But it seems like the articles already out there fall into one of two categories: advice from people who clearly don’t have kids (or are empty nesters and have forgotten) or are written by frustrated moms who just need a friendly reader to commiserate.

Yet there are successful work-at-home moms who make it look so easy. I’m sure it’s not rainbows and unicorns for them all the time, but they’ve turned their time at home and considerable talents into profitable careers. J.K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone while she was out of work and a single mom. Madeleine L’Engle stayed at home and wrote, even during a decade-long drought, in which she worried she would never be published again.

So while I’ve wrestled with my own situation (which is more often work-on-the-go than from home), I’ve tried to piece together what I do that works and what doesn’t, aspiring to be as successful as one of these greats. And it was actually my son who made me realize what the most important aspect is. It was a truth that’s glared at me for months, but sometimes it takes the brutal, innocent honesty of a child to bring it home.

Granted, it was a rough week for us. My husband was gone for five days, something that only happens a couple times a year, if that. I really admire single moms, military wives, and other women whose spouses travel frequently. We made it, but it wasn’t pretty. I cook most of our meals from scratch, and Thomas often takes the boys outside to play while I cook. Or he helps me in the kitchen. On my own, my kids ate a lot of chicken nuggets, I’m afraid, and I rarely got to eat before they were done. Chores went unfinished, and my temper got shorter and shorter: there just wasn’t time for me to do what I needed and sleep and play with my kids. And we’re talking bare minimum here. Forget reading a book or doing anything fun for me.

One night, after getting the little guy down, I sat at the table with my laptop, writing an article. And my elder son came to me and asked for something. I am ashamed to say I don’t remember what it was – I was barely paying attention then, immersed as I was in my work. What did catch my attention, though, was what he said next: “Mom, sometimes you’re not very fun. You don’t spend enough time with us.” I stand condemned.

No matter how many hours my husband works, he gives our kids one-on-one (or one-on-two) time when we’re together. The boys eat it up. They crave time with their daddy and miss him when he’s gone. The way things have been going, I wonder if the boys feel the same way about me. Something has to change. I don’t want to look back over my mothering years and realize I missed a number of small, meaningful moments while I wrote another article.

Last week was an exception, but it’s no excuse. I’ve had too many days recently in which I allowed myself to become a passenger in my own life – a passenger who barely even looked out at the scenery. And it’s my life. If I am imprisoned by my choice of lifestyle, I can only blame myself because I am the warden and hold the keys.

Because freelancing is so open – so “free” – it’s easy to get swept away in the current of work and never stop. And since there are no paid vacation days, no sick leave, and I don’t make a salary while I apply for jobs that may or may not come to fruition, I sometimes feel an almost self-denying need to write while everyone else takes time off. The idea that I could squeeze in full workdays every weekend was seductive. With no need to rush out the door for school and with most of my other chores finished during the week, I could just sit around and write all day – and let Thomas deal with the kids. First of all, that’s not fair to him, and it makes me unavailable to all three of them. Second, I ended every weekend looking back on everything I didn’t get done and feeling like I’d let everyone down. I’ve heard freelancers say to set a schedule, and the longer I’ve been at it, the more I agree. It doesn’t have to be nine to five (and in my case, it’s not going to be), but I do need some parameters. At some point, I need to say, This is my family’s time; writing can come later.

I have preached about this before – to others as well as myself. But for me, walking the talk is more than just saying, “I need to.” My almost immediate mental turn-around – the decision to not let my writing interfere with my family – was akin to other life choices I’ve made. These are things I’ve decided to do, no matter the cost, like nursing my babies for at least twelve months, getting up early to exercise on weekdays, and cutting wheat out of my diet. This was more than a simple decision but what I think of as a covenant with myself. I write because I love it, which means it should feed me, not starve me. The only way I can keep on writing is to protect myself and my family from freelancer’s burn out.

I implemented the plan this week. I wrote during the day, cutting myself off at supper time. I still checked e-mail, and if necessary, I wrote after the kids went to bed. But one of the reasons I’ve been so irritated lately is that, along with having little family time, I’ve had absolutely no me time, no time to recuperate. So I’ve made sure to only write sparingly at night, allowing myself a little time to read for the fun of it.

When I received three assignments with a tight deadline on Thursday, I met my first challenge. I either had to write them all on Friday, or I would break my promise and work through the weekend. So I stayed up a little later, finished the assignments, and when I woke up this morning, instead of heading straight to the laptop, I went into my younger son’s room and helped him build a train track.

This little bit of structure – of making myself accountable – has helped me be more productive than ever, believe it or not, and extra conscious of my family’s needs. Work-at-home moms have to decide what’s most important and tailor their lives to their particular covenants. That doesn’t mean there won’t be rough days or emergency writing assignments, but there will be something to answer to. All the other bits of practical advice I’m saving for my article are secondary to this. If we work-at-home moms can’t define the purpose of staying home – and I certainly hope it has something to do with spending more time with our families – why did we choose to be at home to begin with?

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Why Didn’t I Think of This Before?

My Books (some of them)

My Books (some of them)

If you’ve ever seen Disney’s Beauty and the Beast and you’re a book-oholic like I am, your dream house might include a library like the one in the Beast’s castle. You know the kind – book-filled shelves stretching into the stratosphere, complete with those rolling ladder thingies that are absolute necessities if you want reach the upper shelves.

Of course, my fantasy house doesn’t stop there. I want books everywhere. I’ve seen houses where the stairs are shelves with books underneath or where unconventionally-shaped bookcases are built into the walls and nooks of every room.

Since, however, reality is quite a different thing than my dreams, my books reside in my china cabinet (the china is in boxes who knows where), on top of my spinet piano, in a small, three-shelf corner bookcase in my room, and the cookbooks are above the cabinets in the kitchen (let’s be honest: they’re all over the kitchen). The only reason my five-year-old’s bookshelf still has room on it is because his little brother strews the board books throughout the house, so I can’t even claim eminent domain and stash my stuff there. If I decide to buy one more book for myself. . . well, I guess I haven’t put any knickknacks on top of the buffet for a reason.

Space isn’t the only problem. Believe me, I will find room, if I have to balance them on top of fan blades or do something less creative like stack them in the corners. I do have several books in “the cloud” (either Kindle or iBook editions), but I prefer to read physical books with actual pages (although I do publish online – but that’s for another blog). So recently, when I realized that I was going to finish Drums of Autumn (Outlander), the fourth book in Diana Gabaldon’s Outlander series, I just couldn’t stomach shelling out another thirty bucks on a book that I want but don’t need. (Read this post to see how much catching up I have to do to reach 2013’s reading goal.)

Now, some of you have already figured out the obvious solution, which saves both space and money, and you’ll think I’m an idiot for not coming to the same conclusion earlier: just check out the book from the library. Well, duh, why didn’t I think of that?

Time to ‘fess. The last time I checked out a book from a local public library was when I was fourteen. And yes, that was over half my life ago. It’s rather shameful, I admit. I mean, my dad worked in libraries as a teenager, my mother worked in our former church’s media center, and one of my favorite places to volunteer at my son’s school is in the library. So why the decade-plus hiatus?

When I was fourteen, I started reading really long books – thousand-plus pagers. They took longer to read than libraries’ allotted two-week borrowing period, and I wanted to spend my time reading them rather than going back to renew all the time. Plus, once I started earning a little spending money, I could afford my own books and immediately grew my collection. I went from bugging my dad to search the various libraries for new Agatha Christies once a week or so to buying almost every Stephen King title available. It also didn’t hurt that we lived near an awesome used bookstore. (Chamblin Bookmine rocks!) Lastly, whereas I couldn’t care less about many other material things, books are the key to my heart – I want to possess them. (My husband figured that one out pretty quickly.)

Now, I did spend quite a bit of time in my university’s library back in my college days, but I didn’t go for the fun of it. When you associate going to the library with study groups and research papers, it kind of loses its appeal.

Then, early in our marriage, my husband and I moved to a different county, thus making my poor, unused library card obsolete anyway. We lived about ten minutes from a very nice library – which was right over the county line. And these two counties do not share benefits. I could enter that library, sure. But check a book out? No way, Jose. The closest library within our own county was over twenty minutes away, and since I was out of the habit. . . Well, you get the idea.

After I had kids, I heard people talk about story times at the various libraries around town, but it never occurred to me to take them. I’m a busy mom, I work, and I am somewhat anti-social. If another mom had invited me, I probably would have considered it. But I should have gone anyway, regardless. I recently had to meet a friend during the week, and the most convenient time was just after story time. So I figured I’d tag along with her, and at least my younger son would enjoy it. Peter was the oldest kid there by far, but I was glad that he was entranced by all the books. Unfortunately, it was, yet again, a library in the wrong county. Peter sometimes checks out books from our church’s library, but after seeing the real thing, he begged me to get a card. We now live less than ten minutes away from a library with an excellent children’s department, so I finally broke down and went. Not only could Peter have access to far more than I could ever afford, but it was clear that if I wanted to read The Fiery Cross (Outlander), I would have to go to the library or dip into the diaper fund. Sorry, books. When you have a twenty-month-old, diapers win.

Hey, I could get used to this. Now Peter has a new reason to be excited to read. And the two-week deadline gives me new incentive to read, read, read.

But just to make sure, when I checked out Gabaldon’s next 900-plus page doorstop, I asked the librarian how my chances were of renewing it.

She looked at me, taking in the baby on one hip and the energetic five-year-old next to me. I’m sure she was thinking, Good luck finishing this in the next two months, lady. Then she smiled and said, “They’re good.”

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