Category Archives: Odds and Ends

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Writer at Work

It has been a busy weekend. Of course, it’s my mom’s birthday, and I’m copy editing the sixteenth volume of Fiction Fix, and I’m taking a Writer’s Digest bootcamp all at once. Life is full and wonderful like that sometimes.

I have a lot to say about my writing experience this weekend, but I’m too wiped out right now to even put together a coherent thought.

So while I leave you in suspense, talk amongst yourselves about the last time you could write about whatever you wanted and not care a bit what anyone else thought about it. That’s next week’s topic.

Oh, and of course, happy birthday to the best mama in the world. Better to celebrate with her than worry about deadlines, anyway.

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Mommy’s Summer Break

Flagler Beach

Flagler Beach (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This summer, I’ve been more aware of the passage of time than ever before. I think part of that is due to updating the calendar with my six-year-old every day. It’s something he did in kindergarten and will continue to do in the first grade, and I figured it was an easy way to sneak in a little learning all summer long.

So when we turned to August, and I saw that the first day of school was less than three weeks away, I felt like our summer break had evaporated without me taking much notice. Then Peter asked me how many days were left, and I turned it into a quick math lesson. We counted the days of summer break up to that point, then counted the remaining days until school started, and we added them up for the total number of days.

Eighty-one. From the day after he finished kindergarten to the day before he starts first grade are 81 days. Not even three full months. I have to admit that I feel a little cheated. When I was a kid, we were out at the beginning of June and didn’t go back until the day after Labor Day.

A little past the mid-point of July, we were invited to a play date at the beach. I was talking to another mom, whom I hadn’t seen since early June, and she asked me about our summer. I was at a bit of a loss and had to admit that standing on the beach with her and our children was the first “summery” thing I’d done. Yes, my kids had occasional play dates and day camps or classes, but I hadn’t taken them to do anything that smacked of summer.

Before I had kids, I was rarely asked the “What have you done this summer?” question. After all, if you don’t have kids, you’re not in school yourself, or you’re not a teacher, summer is merely a hotter time of year. And when you live in Florida, it’s hot about eleven-and-a-half months, anyway, so it all kind of runs together.

But this summer, I’ve encountered this question a lot, and I’ve finally resorted to the, “It’s been very busy” answer. If you’re a regular reader, you know that I have completed three big projects since the end of the school year, but for every one of these projects, I’ve picked up at least one more. So my busy-ness has just shifted into other areas.

I’m not complaining. I love freelance writing and the flexibility of being able to go to the store when I need and to be available to take my sons to their various activities. Even being busy isn’t all that bad, except that I’ve had to utilize to-do lists more than ever in my life the last couple months because, otherwise, I might forget to brush my teeth or something.

I will have to say, though, that some things have suffered. Like the house. Because of my husband’s odd work hours, it seems that the only days he’s available to mow the lawn are when it rains. Consequently, our grass grows so thick and so high that we run through lawn mowers like candy. We finally gave in and hired a lawn guy (something I’d been rooting for since last fall), and when he showed up one morning this week and did what would have taken Thomas two days to accomplish, I said that my dreams had come true. Of course, that’s a gross exaggeration. He wasn’t publishing my book, cleaning the house, potty training my toddler, and mowing the lawn, but I’ll take what I can get.

Ick – do we live like this?

Ick – do we live like this?

As for the interior of the house, it’s been the pits since before spring break, which was in March. People say that trying to clean while you have kids is like trying to shovel snow in a blizzard, which is true, but still. I have a nice little shelf with bins that will hold toys, if only the kids will use it. Then my elder son decided he wanted to sleep on the floor over eight months ago, and he’s slept there ever since. (Really – check out the picture.) So his floor is mostly taken up with a sleeping bag, which never gets picked up. Every once in a while, it gets so messed up that I straighten it, only to find a number of toys that we thought had disappeared.

Sleeping bag… and no more sleeping bag :)

Sleeping bag… and no more sleeping bag 🙂

With my summer dwindling – and although I’ve been busy, I have more free time now than I will when I start substitute teaching again – I need to take care of my house before it gets even more out of control. So this weekend is my opportunity. My in-laws are taking the kids for a couple days, and although I swore I would clean the last time they kept the kids, I didn’t. But this time, I’m tackling the mess. I’ll tell you, there’s nothing like being able to vacuum at three in the morning and not bother anyone, except for maybe the cat. (And sleep late because no one’s going to yell, “Mommy!” at six A.M.) It’s also nice to be able to pack away toys that my boys will never miss and donate them to children who will actually play with them instead of leaving them in the middle of the foyer.

So my life has come to this: it makes my day to pay someone to mow the lawn and to get rid of my kids long enough to clean up after them. Am I nuts, or what? My mommy-cation is not glamorous, nothing to write home about (although it does make for a convenient blog topic). And after all, my six-year-old gave Thomas and me his blessing to go out and have ice cream, see a movie, and have a romantic dinner. So, who knows? We may take him up on it… and come home to a house that looks like it belongs to civilized people.

The Happy Ending

The Happy Ending

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Be a Hero by Supporting Children with Cancer

Hero Benefit poster I am very fortunate that my two boys have enjoyed good health so far. When you don’t face health issues, it’s something that’s easy to take for granted. My usual complaints fall into the categories of being too busy, not getting enough sleep, and worrying about finances. But every once in a while, I’m reminded that these “problems” are nothing compared to what many families face.

I’m talking about children who have terminal diseases. Hazel in John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars says it perfectly (and pardon her French): “There is only one thing in this world sh*ttier than biting it from cancer when you’re sixteen, and that’s having a kid who bites it from cancer.”

Harsh? You bet. But how do you think these kids and their parents feel? I can only imagine the grief, the turmoil, and the burden. I’ve seen it with aging adults, including my own grandfather, which was terrible – but for a child to be plucked from the beginning of life, without ever having the chance to blossom, and given a death sentence before life has truly begun? It’s unfair. It’s unthinkable.

It’s reality.

If you haven’t faced this within your own family, it’s likely that you know someone who has. I’ve known children who were diagnosed anywhere from one year old to their teens. I’m not sure which is worse – never being able to remember a time before becoming sick or living a seemingly normal life, only to have the rug pulled from underneath you when you thought adolescence was bad enough by itself. Either way, any time I meet one of these children or parents or siblings, I realize how strong they must be, how much different their lives are than mine, and I yearn for a way to help.

For someone like me, neither a scientist who will someday find a cure nor a medical professional who can treat and care for one of these patients, I feel pretty useless. Then several years ago, I stumbled upon News 95.5 and AM 750 WSB’s Care-a-Thon. It’s an annual event that assists funding family support services and research, as well as the fellowship program at the Aflac Cancer Center.

As I listened on the radio, I heard parents and their children share their amazing and heartbreaking stories – and triumphs. I knew that I couldn’t give much, but I also couldn’t not give. I knew that if everyone listening took a few minutes and gave a few dollars, millions could have been raised. In fact, last year, the WSB Care-a-Thon benefiting the Aflac Cancer and Blood Disorders Center of Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta raised over $1.5 million.

This year, I hope to make my portion even more than usual by giving the proceeds from my children’s book Hero to this worthy cause. From Sunday, July 13 through Saturday, July 26, 2014, I will donate 100% of my net proceeds from every Hero sold – those purchased directly from me, from any location in Northeast Florida that carries it, and from Amazon.com.

Hero by Sarah Cotchaleovitch

Hero by Sarah Cotchaleovitch

Hero is a children’s book about two regular kids and their pets. The kids who have read it so far seem to enjoy it, and I can’t think of a more appropriate way to share my profits than with other children who deserve a chance at a normal life. So here is how you can participate:

Buy a copy of Hero any time from this coming Sunday, July 13th through the following Saturday, July 26th. If you would like an autographed copy, please message me, and I will ship one to you. If you live in Northeast Florida, Hero is available at the following retail locations:

• The FotoTechnika Group in St. Nicholas (my printer and the family business)

• Owens Pharmacy in Riverside

• Proctor Ace Hardware (all three locations)

• Roberts’ South Bank Pharmacy in San Marco

• Sweetwood Books of Fleming Island

Hero is also available from Amazon.com.

If you already have a copy, why not purchase another to donate to Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta? I think the kids there would love it. Or buy one for your favorite niece, nephew, godchild, or friend. The Care-a-Thon itself will air Thursday, July 31 and Friday, August 1, 2014. Click this link to read more about it (including stories about these amazing children), or use this link to donate directly to the Care-a-Thon online.

Cancer will eventually affect everyone either directly or indirectly, but with our help, these children and their families won’t have to go it alone.

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Pacing Is Everything

Unscheduled meeting

Unscheduled meeting (Photo credit: Roger Smith)

Have you ever read a book that has such a slow pace that it puts you to sleep? You feel like you should get a medal for reading one page. Maybe you save it for nights when you have insomnia. I can certainly appreciate a slow pace if it makes a scene feel just as excruciatingly slow to the reader as the characters involved, but it’s hard to read an entire book like that.

On the other hand, have you ever read a book where you feel like you’re panting with exertion after a few pages? Just like the slow pace, there are places where this is appropriate, but it’s hard to sustain for the duration of a novel. And I have to admit, I often keep myself so busy that I feel like I’m living a fast-paced novel kind of life. There’s a reason my workout program and even the Bible prescribe a day of  rest. You can certainly go too far with this concept, but the original idea is a good one. It helps us recharge and keep from burning out – or running head-long into a brick wall.

Can you tell what I’m working up to? This week, I started getting a cold, something that happens to me when I’m entering burn out-mode. It was my cue that if I didn’t slow down from my break-neck pace, I would crash soon.

I go through cycles of taking on so much that I drive myself and others around me crazy. Then I regroup and work at a slower pace for a while before ramping up again. One time years ago, I had so many things on my plate that I worked my body into stress-induced acid reflux disease. I took a pill for a while, but I didn’t want to live like that. Something had to go.

Usually, I find a rhythm, a happy place. But adding first one and then a second child complicated things. I don’t work full-time outside the home any more, but that doesn’t make me any less busy. In fact, I think that many stay-at-home parents would agree that we tend to get dumped on because full-time workers assume that we have all this unused time on our hands. I wish that were true.

I have gotten better, though. Several times recently, I’ve said “no” when I might have given a “yes” without a second thought – like turning down several volunteer opportunities. It’s a hard thing to do when people who know I’m dependable ask me to do something. The last one I turned down – and it was a biggie – was met with: “I had to give you the chance to say no. But I think you’re making the right decision.” This person knows how busy I am and gave me a gift – the honor of offering a position with lots of responsibility, yet understanding from a fellow parent who also had two young kids once upon a time.

It’s really hard to say no to work, though. My husband and I both have this problem. We’re penny-pinchers, and if we turn down paying work, we feel guilty. That could be an extra car payment, money for a future vacation, or savings for our emergency fund.

I recently received a query regarding proofreading. I can proofread in my sleep; it’s my favorite kind of work. It was a good-size project, too. The only problem was that I was getting ready to launch a client’s website (see last week’s post) and knew that I needed to devote all my work time to that project. I didn’t turn down the potential client, but I was honest about how long it would take me to complete the job – a week longer than usual. My turnaround wasn’t quick enough, and the client took the work elsewhere.

I missed out on a nice paycheck, but if I’d taken on that project, I would have missed out on more time with my family. My elder son is already used to me taking a couple good chunks of time out for work every day, and I didn’t want to sacrifice any more of my time with him just to get ahead on the budget. If our electricity were at stake, sure, I would have. But it wasn’t. I stuck to my work-at-home covenant as best I could.

But it also sometimes means a sacrifice on my kids’ part. This is where I feel most guilty. Vacation Bible school was coming up, and this is one volunteer job for which I will always rearrange my schedule. It was a full week right on top of two big projects, a weekend full of birthday parties, a grand opening for a bookstore where my children’s book Hero is being sold, and all the usual mom stuff. Then Peter got an invitation for a play date.

“Just email me,” the mom said. I’m glad she gave me that option instead of asking for an answer on the spot. I knew Peter would have fun, but the timing was all wrong. It was a swimming play date, and I would have my toddler with me (always a challenge). It turned out that it was also my ten-year wedding anniversary. Whoops. I sent a quick email turning down the offer, and I’m glad I did. It was a busy day, and even though I know we could have squeezed the play date in, I saved myself a lot of stress. And when Mama’s not stressed, everyone’s a lot happier.

So how do you know when enough is enough? How can you achieve that perfect pace?

Well, if you’re writing, start by avoiding passive voice and past perfect tense.

Unfortunately, real life is not quite as easy. But I will say this: if you say yes because you’re worried that someone will think you’re lazy or a bad parent or will judge you in any way, you’re likely saying yes for the wrong reason.

And if it’s going to cause unwanted stress (like signing your kid up for yet another sport because all his friends are doing it – or taking a job that will make you hell to live with for a week or two), you need to give it some serious thought first.

Now does this mean that my summer is going to be full of relaxation and stress-free days? Not hardly. I’m still plenty busy. And quite honestly, I like it that way. But I’m going to make sure I enjoy my kids and live at a pace that the whole family can manage. I’m picking up two new projects to replace the ones I’ve just wrapped up, but the people I’m working with know that we’re making long-term plans with no firm deadlines. There’s even the chance we’ll still like each other when all is said and done. winky emoticon

 

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Five Signs You Might Need a Book Intervention

Birthday Books

Birthday Books

When creating my list of books to read in 2014, I thought, I should be able to do this. I was determined to read more from this year’s list than I did in 2013. After all, there were quite a few books that I was excited to read; I was motivated. I did well at first, even reporting my numbers a few short weeks ago.

Then it happened. My husband, eldest niece, and I went to see Divergent, all having read and loved the series. And we got more than we bargained for while there: we were introduced to a book we hadn’t heard of, soon to be released in movie form, The Maze Runner.

I couldn’t help myself; I started researching it while still sitting in the theatre. Who was the author? When was it published? Is there more than one book? Why hadn’t I heard of it?

James Dashner, 2009, two sequels and one prequel – these were the easy answers. As for why I hadn’t heard of it, well, there are just so many books out there. Each new discovery adds another star or constellation to my reader’s night sky, and the funny thing is that I am never satisfied. Give me a good book, and it only makes me want more.

A few weeks later, when my husband asked what I wanted for my birthday, I got the bright idea that I could kill two birds if he got The Maze Runner for me. Since I knew he wanted to read it, too, he went ahead and bought it a few days early. I was dutifully reading another book from my list with the full knowledge that I would completely derail if Thomas said the book was any good.

Thomas pronounced The Maze Runner worthy, so I took the cash a few relatives gave me for my birthday and went to pick up the rest of the series. The cashier told me that if I didn’t care about them being a matched set, I could buy all three from the bargain section. Which saved me enough money to buy a fourth book, John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars.

That silly movie trailer, aided by a little extra cash, just made my original 2014 book list a lot harder to finish. I might need a…

Book Intervention

Here are five signs that you might need one, too:

1. You always have a book in the car, just in case you get stuck in traffic.

No, I don’t read or text while driving, but I do when stopped at a light. Hey, I have a very stop-and-go commute, and I get tired of listening to the radio. And if I’m not the driver, you better believe I have a book with me. I feel bad for people who get carsick – such a great reading opportunity missed.

2. You panic when you forget your book.

It’s one thing if you’re just going to the store, but it’s full-scale panic mode when you are stuck at a social event with nothing to do except make small-talk with people you hardly know. Or even people you do know. It’s kind of a joke among my family that I’m often in the background of photos, oblivious to my surroundings, absorbed in a book. Everyone’s opening Christmas presents, and I’m reading. Or I sneak a book into a movie to read before the lights go down.

3. You can never read all the books on your to-do list because you keep adding more.

When I was pregnant with my first son, I was determined to read every book in the house. I figured that I might never have the chance to read after my little bundle of joy came into the world. I’m happy to report that not only did I finish all the books in the house, but reading does continue post-baby. And ever since making that discovery, I’ve been buying more books than I can read again.

4. You spend your disposable income on purses big enough to hold a good-sized hardback.

Okay, maybe men don’t have this problem, but I certainly do. I also carry my laptop, so my poor purse was begging to be replaced. I’m happy to report that my new purse holds the laptop and a novel quite comfortably. Could I get a Kindle or just read on my iPhone? Sure, and I have. But I just love actual books (read more about that here), and I love owning them. The book fair is in town this week, and I think there’s going to be more backsliding, which means…

5. You forego putting your china out in favor of shelving your books in the china cabinet.

Or on top of the piano. Or in stacks around the house. I’m doing a pretty good job of keeping them neat (at least, I did until my latest quadruple purchase). But although I’ve dreamed of having a house with a proper library, I somehow think it still wouldn’t be enough. Give me shelves, and I will gladly fill them, then continue getting more.

You know, if this is a vice, I’m not sure I want to give it up. Please tell me I’m not alone. If this sounds like you, too, do we need an intervention, or just some uninterrupted reading time? Methinks the latter.

Happy reading.

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When Easter Seems Far Away

Storm clouds over swifts creek

Storm Clouds (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Easter is coming, one of my favorite times of year. I love both the sacred and secular aspects. I get a kick out of watching my kids hunt eggs, and every year, I look forward to preparing myself for Easter joy by first attending my church’s Maundy Thursday service. It doesn’t just commemorate the Last Supper but the events of Good Friday in the form of a service of tenebrae (darkness).

For me to truly appreciate Easter, I must first immerse myself in the grief of the disciples during Jesus’ last hours. No matter what you think or believe about him, Jesus was certainly real and suffered a terrible death. Imagine how his followers felt – people who had hope that he would put the Romans in their place and bring God’s kingdom as only a holy monarch could do – watching him be mocked and put to death in such a humiliating fashion. They must have lost all hope, unaware that Easter was coming.

Holy Week encompasses the lows and highs of humanity, much as some days or weeks stand out in our own lives. Life doesn’t wait for a time when you can handle it to fling you off your mountaintop into the valley. It’s only appropriate that I had one of those “stand out” days on Maundy Thursday.

It was a busy day. My kindergartner had his school egg hunt and Easter party, and his school day ended on a high. In the afternoon, I had to rush to get all my grocery shopping done and get through my usual chores, so I could go to church. As my children were splashing and giggling in the bathtub, I received the unexpected and numbing news that our family, with whom we just spent a wonderful vacation, had experienced a terrible loss. My heart ached, and I wished I could be across the country to comfort them. I felt helpless, confused. How could this happen? And during Easter week, of all times.

Because life goes on amidst tragedy, I went to church as planned, reminded that there are many people for whom Easter never seems to arrive – or is pulled right out from under them. I don’t mean the specific Christian celebration of Easter; I mean the rainbow that follows that storm, the light that banishes the shadows. Hope.

Everyone spends time in the valley, whether it’s losing a loved one, going in for a routine check up and leaving with the knowledge of a mortal illness, or being knocked flat by a sudden life change. During these times, our Easters are slow in arriving. We can become lost in the whys and trying to make sense out of something senseless.

As a writer, I often explore my feelings or try to work through a difficult situation by writing. Painters may lose themselves in acrylics and a blank canvas. Songwriters create some of the most moving melodies and lyrics. I’m thinking in particular of the stories behind the hymns Precious Lord and It Is Well with My Soul. These songs have brought comfort to generations of Christians, even though they were written from the depths of grief.

Enjoy your Easters, your mountaintop experiences. Unexpected joy is a gift that balances the dark times, the tenebrae of our lives. But don’t get so high in the clouds that you become deaf and blind to the darkness that still consumes others. Your own valley experiences can help you be the quiet listener, the compassionate friend, the comforter for someone else in need. You may not even realize that working through your own grief has helped the sun rise for someone who is still lost in the valley.

 

Precious Lord, take my hand.

Easter Lily (Animated)

Easter Lily (Photo credit: ClaraDon)

Lead me on, let me stand.

I am tired, I am weak, I am worn.

Through the storm, through the night,

Lead me on to the light.

Take my hand, Lord. Lead me home.

                                                                 – Thomas A. Dorsey

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What to Read, What to Read?

My Books

Books (Photo credit: Jennerally)

At the end of 2012 and again at the end of 2013, I posted lists of the books I planned to read in the next twelve months. I’ll have to say that I’m pretty proud of my progress so far. It’s just into the second quarter of the year, and I’m already on the tenth book from my list of 23 titles. I’ve only gotten sidetracked once so far (something that happened quite often last year), so I have some hope of actually getting through my entire list.

It was fun looking at the year ahead and asking myself, “What do I want to read?” Whereas many people look forward to vacations and promotions and other big events (and I do, too, don’t get me wrong), I love the anticipation of discovering new fictional landscapes and re-reading some of my old favorites.

When it comes to choosing books, I know that some people read book jackets and may even skim a few pages before making a final decision. Others will look for titles that have won awards. But that’s not really my style. How, then, do I choose the books for my list? Many times, I read books by authors that I’ve read before. If I’ve had good luck in the past, I’m likely to read more titles by those authors.

Other times, I’ll either see a movie or the preview of a movie based on a novel, and if intrigued, I’ll pick up the original books. This happened most recently with the Divergent series, which I read, then saw the movie. It also happened with Harry Potter. I saw the first two movies, then jumped on the bandwagon. Every time, I’m pleased that I got the books because there’s just so much more to love on the written page.

Lastly, and perhaps the greatest way to introduce me to new books is through recommendations and reviews from friends who know what I like to read. In fact, that one extra book I’ve read this year was from a friend who is responsible for lending me some of my favorite titles. When I see someone with similar tastes with a book in hand, I’m always interested to see if there’s a new favorite in the making.

I love personal recommendations and book reviews because they’re not written by some writer who’s paid to make books sound good. Reviews have sometimes saved me from wasting my time (“It turned out to be a good love story in the end, but the writing wasn’t any good.”) and have often encouraged me to try books that I might not have read, otherwise (“It’s long, but you’ll want to make time for it.”).

My regular readers know that I’m on the staff of Fiction Fix, and one of our goals is to not only publish great new fiction but to also encourage people to read until they’re full to overflowing. In order to mix up our blog a little bit, we decided to write book reviews – but in new and fun ways. The first way was in haiku form, the second as six-word reviews. Read the whole story here, and check out the haiku reviews, all of which are now up. (One six-word review is available, with more to follow.)

I don’t know about you, but these reviews have certainly encouraged me to expand my library, yet again. And it’s never too late to make your own “must read” list.

Song of Years haiku

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Quit Worrying! (Advice from a Veteran Worrier)

I am branching out and doing something new today: typing this blog in my WordPress app in my phone. It’s not something I ever thought I would do; in fact, when I first got the app, I wondered who in the world would choose to use it for that purpose.

Now, I’m not spontaneous and blogging on the fly. The blog I planned to post this weekend is sitting useless on my computer while my wifi access is down.

If you know me, you know I’m a planner, and this was not a part of my plan. We’re on vacation over 3000 miles from home, and wifi access wasn’t a problem until last night.

I could flip out, but I’m trying to embrace challenges. And after all, we are on vacation. So why not try out my app to post a blog?

I got thinking this morning that our vacation has worked out much better than I imagined. For a week or more before we left, I worried about flying with a two-year-old and that my kids not adjust to the time change. I didn’t work myself up to a nervous breakdown, but the worry was there, nevertheless.

Then my toddler slept for almost half of our longer flight. And he and my older son have slept like champs the whole time. My little one has even conquered the steep flight of stairs where we’re staying, another thing I could have worried myself sick over.

Is it the Bible that says that you won’t add a second to your life by worrying? Well, whoever says it, I can embrace that idea right now. There are so many details I could be stressing out about, but I’ve done my best to prepare the best I can and just come to peace with whatever may happen. And I’ve really been able to enjoy myself by pushing those worries to the background.

Really, all I’m worried about right now is if the cloud cover will clear up enough to let us see Mount Rainier before we go. My sister-in-law assures me it’s there, but I think it might have taken a vacation, too.

Are you a worrier like me? Don’t let them take over and ruin your day or vacation or life. Make what preparations you can, and then tell your worries to take a long hike.

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Three Ways to Manage Your Busy Schedule – Instead of Letting It Manage You

Laura's work desk 13/05/2008

Piles of Work (Photo credit: Laura Whitehead)

After substituting in kindergarten for the third time this week, I drove home with that relieved, TGIF feeling. I love teaching, especially the freedom of being a substitute, but it makes for a busy day, often with no breaks or time to think.

But the entire weekend stretched ahead of me, with plenty of time to decompress and do the things I wanted to do.

My little fantasy didn’t even survive the drive home. I knew there was a pile of laundry waiting to be washed, plants that needed to be watered, sippy cups to be washed and refilled, and I still had my daily bookkeeping duties for the family business that I’d put off in order to substitute.

When I walked in the door, I discovered more things to do: a book sitting on the kitchen table that I need to read for a class next week; a pair of pants that need to be re-hemmed; a looming trip to the store before my son’s t-ball game. Oh yes, and then the t-ball game itself.

I also took on a new project today that I have to finish before we go on our spring break vacation, plus a novella to read for Fiction Fix, not to mention my personal fiction projects. Sometimes it’s hard to figure out what to do first when there are so many tasks at hand. Better just to take a nap and ignore them all, right?

If your life follows a similar pattern, you may feel that you’re always behind and rarely or never get to do anything for yourself. And it’s all too easy to give in to a negative attitude.

When Peter started playing t-ball, I dreaded the practices and games. My time is already so limited that I didn’t know when I would ever get anything done.

I had two choices: succumb to despair and have a nervous breakdown, or adapt and make the most of my new schedule.

I chose the latter, and you know what? I’m still able to embrace all the new projects I’ve taken on, and I’m even finding that elusive “me” time. Here are three tips that have helped me, and I hope they’ll help you, too:

1. Use Technology to Your Advantage

I know of people who have gotten rid of their TVs and phones because of the distractions they cause. If this seems a little drastic to you, there are ways to turn your electronics into a boon rather than a procrastinator’s crutch.

Did you know that there are a plethora of apps and computer programs that can help you manage your time? Some, like SelfControl from Mac users or SelfRestraint for Windows, block the internet altogether for set amounts of time. Just search for “time management apps” to see lists of what’s available and which one best fits your needs and personality.

Some of you may be able to control your electronics use by sheer will power. I fall into this category. I used to check my email any time I woke in the middle of the night, and the result was that I always had a hard time getting back to sleep. I finally made a deal with myself: don’t check email at night. It was as simple as that. If someone texts me, I know it’s urgent. Otherwise, it can wait.

Another thing I love is my phone’s timer, which I use in conjunction with step number two.

2. Take Baby Steps

When I have enough projects to fill a mile-long to-do list, I tackle them a bit at a time, baby-step style, and there are two ways to do this. As mentioned above, you can use that handy timer on your phone and work in blocks of time, or you can set goals, like editing one chapter and then moving on to a different project.

I’m currently rotating five projects in this manner, employing whichever method makes sense for each project, whittling away until they’re done. At the end of a hard day, instead of feeling like I’ve fallen short by ignoring one project while spending all my time on another, I can see that each one is closer to completion, even if only by a little bit.

3. Schedule Recreational Activities

It is very discouraging to run into someone on a Monday and have to come up with an answer to the “What’d you do this weekend?” question. I often stand there in utter silence, knowing I was busy but not able to remember anything specific. “Oh yeah,” I might say after a few seconds, “I weeded the lawn all day Saturday.” Exciting stuff, right?

When piles of laundry, flowerbeds full of weeds, grad school projects, and your kids’ sports schedules hijack what could have been your spare time, you feel like you’re stuck in a rut. This is when you can get in trouble by either going off the deep-end and throwing all responsibility to the wind, or you can wallow in self-pity and start hating anyone who did manage to enjoy her weekend.

If, instead, you schedule regular periods of recreation, just as you would schedule all the work that you need to do, you will have something to look forward to every day.

This is easier said than done, I know. Part of my personal promise to myself was to leave work well enough alone after my kids were in bed every night. If I could just hold out until they were in bed, I could read or write whatever my heart desired. But sometimes there’s not enough time in the day to get all my work done, and there’s still quite a bit left to finish after the kiddos are down. But I still make sure that I read or write or watch the occasional movie because my brain craves that break. Afterward, it’s much easier to work.

You may have more time but feel guilty about using it. Don’t! Fit in the occasional golf game or fishing trip or cup of coffee with a friend, if that’s what floats your boat. If you ignore opportunities such as these in order to “save” your enjoyment for a blow-out, two-week vacation that eats up a quarter of your annual salary, think of all the misery you’re subjecting yourself to in the meantime. Wouldn’t it be a shame to turn something you used to love doing, such as being a freelance writer, into a task to which you feel enslaved? I would rather have a few minutes of rest or fun every day, and the vacations, although they aren’t many, are truly special.

However you choose to do it, find time to do something not work-related on a regular basis, and you will be able to attack your projects again with renewed vigor and enjoyment.

Oh, and by the way, your house is patient: it will wait for you to clean it. Wash you underwear, by all means, but I won’t look at your baseboards if you won’t look at mine.

Do you have too many things to do 24/7/365? How do you manage your own workload?

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I’d Never Make It As a Salesperson

English: White hat seo symbolizes good ethic t...

SEO – search engine marketing (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I can almost always pick them out from the normal customers before they ever walk through the door: sales people. (Inject a little venom here.) They almost always come in pairs, dressed in business suits that have seen a little too much wear, carrying fancy, embossed folders of useless information that will likely go in the trash as soon as they leave. If at all possible, I try to disappear before they even know I’m there. If not, I foist them on my poor mother. She handles confrontation and can say “no” while maintaining eye contact much better than I can. I can only function as an extrovert so long before my true introvert self shuts me down.

But I can’t very well disappear when I answer the phone, and there’s a telemarketer on the other end.

Maybe you’re wondering why this is even a problem for me. The truth is that I’m more of a kids-come-with-me mom than a work-at-home mom because my parents and I run our family business (photo finishing, in case you wanted to know). My responsibilities are mostly on the bookkeeping end, but I am in the office often enough to deal with the scary stuff – you know, interacting with perfect strangers. It was this having to talk to people aspect that made me swear  I would never work there, but when the whole becoming a bestselling novelist in the solitude of my own home thing didn’t work out as planned, I had to work somewhere. At least I like the other people I work with.

Over time, I’ve built a friendly facade that’s tough to break, but the sales people always manage to crack it. This week, the call came from a very prominent Internet browser listing service. A woman with a very heavy foreign accent told me she just wanted to verify our address. Since some of our customers have complained that our old address is still showing up on Internet searches, I thought it best to update our free listing. I should have just hung up like I usually do because I had to talk to a marketing specialist to complete the change of address. I told Foreign Accent Lady that I would absolutely not spend any money – “marketing specialist” did not sit well with me, and for good reason – but she assured me it would only take two or three seconds of my time, and I would be done.

I don’t even remember if the marketing specialist guy verified the new address, but I do vividly recall the rest of the twenty minutes or so, during which I tried to decline his services as kindly as possible. He started by checking how our website fares in local searches, but after its keyword search performance came up sub-par, he got his first bit of ammunition: we obviously don’t know how to get our website to show up in keyword searches, and he’s the only person who could possibly help get our website to the front page of any search in our area.

I bit my tongue, thinking: why didn’t I write the copy for the website? Much of it is over a decade old or cobbled together because we’re a tiny operation and spread too thin to give it the attention it’s due. Part of me wondered what the guy would say if I explained that I knew how to improve the website, but I was eager to get off the phone and didn’t feel like hearing him insult my skills.

Instead, I tried to explain that we get most of our new business by word-of-mouth and that, despite the apparently dismal results, plenty of people do come to us after finding us online. I told him that we’re a niche market and can’t compete with the places that come up first in searches: Target and Sam’s and Wal-Mart, among others. Our prices are higher, and for a good reason: we provide higher quality work. Well, but if more people in our area saw us pop up on the front page of their Internet searches, the marketing guy reasoned, they would call us, and higher call volume means a higher number of paying customers, right? Theoretically, yes, Mr. Marketing Specialist. Unfortunately, our business does not operate in a theoretical world.

Of course, Mr. Marketing Specialist works for a big company that never struggles to give him a paycheck or keep the lights on. It doesn’t look at the month’s bills, realize there’s not revenue to cover them all, and decide which ones can afford to be late, hoping the phone won’t get cut off in the meantime.

As he was attempting to use his powers of persuasion, telling me that if you’re hungry, you stop at the nearest McDonald’s, not the restaurant two miles down the road, I knew that it was a lost cause. Why was I even trying to make him understand our business? The food industry is doing fine because people need to eat. But people don’t need photo finishing. We’re lucky we’ve hung on since 1981. And thanks to technology and the big box stores, it’s been by the skin of our teeth. People will gladly drive out of their way not to come to us because they don’t understand how we differ from the competition. We’ve had people walk in who need a service that no one but our business can provide, and they still walk right back out because they can’t pay what it costs for us to do the work. C’est la vie.

How do you explain to someone that your business doesn’t conform to the rules? You don’t, and you eventually have to hang up, which I did. Taking after my father as I do, I left the conversation sweaty and shaky. Why? Because, as much as I hate confrontation, I can dress someone down over the phone like I never can face to face. And I’m not proud of the last couple of minutes of that conversation. But to be fair, I did say that I wasn’t going to spend money, and when he decided he didn’t believe me and even brought in my personal life as a last-ditch tactic, I left the conversation.

The people at the electrical company will thank me for paying them instead of him.

The one positive thing that I took away from the conversation is that I can solve our Internet search problem myself. I write good SEO copy for other people, and it’s time I do it for the family business, too. I’ll get more business to our website through old-fashioned hard work and my own prowess, and I’ll do a much better job than someone in California who compares us to McDonald’s.

Despite being the one with the last word, I had a nagging feeling that I’d done something wrong. I love hearing others’ stories of sticking it to the telemarketers – they get what they deserve! But it never feels as exhilarating when I do it myself. Instead, I feel like I’ve let myself down.

There are talented people in sales out there – and I’m actually very good at it when someone comes to me – but the others, the ones like the guy I hung up on, aren’t in their element. I feel for him because he sounded so absolutely desperate to get my business. But maybe the reason he’s doing so poorly is that he lacks the skill that effective marketers need most: that of listening to and understanding the needs of their clients. Maybe I have a little pity for him because I know he’s a normal person with a miserable job – and I would probably sound just as desperate, were I in his position.

Still, if I ever decide that brow-beating someone into using my services is the best way to market my skills, please let me know it’s time to quit. Yes, getting the word out is slow-going when you go the word-of-mouth route, but I think that happy customers speak volumes louder than search engine results that don’t know an editor from a word processor’s spellcheck.

And if you’re the type of person who goes with the first search result by virtue of it being first, it probably wouldn’t be a good idea for us to work together, anyway.

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